1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want. 2 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
Psalm 23:1-2;5
Potty training and night time weening have blurred together into a lump of frizzy unwashed hair and sticky floors. Yet again, I was overwhelmed and having a pity party for myself for the things I couldn't get to. Or rather, the things I was choosing not to get to.
Yesterday's overwhelm looked like almost blowing up at my precious 2 year old, sarcastic comments toward him that by the grace of God he didn't comprehend, and just a thin unwanted residue of annoyance overlaying all of the days tasks.
I was pouring from an empty cup, and I knew it.
My friend Caroline and her husband have a thing where they "invite the other into rest." I love this idea so much and have seen the fruits that have come from it. This morning I needed to invite myself into rest. And Jesus paved the way with two boys who decided they should sleep in!
My Bible reading plan fell on Psalm 23. So familiar, yet brand new. Side note: May scripture never become so familiar to us that we stop digging into its truths. Because today Jesus has something for you in the verse that has been hanging on your wall that He hasn't revealed to you until today. And that's just what happened this morning.
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." I read. But I do want God. I want rest. I want an alone coffee date without a time limit. I want a shower in which I can wash my hair AND shave my legs in one go! I want a dang nap that doesn't leave me feeling undone and guilty!
"He makes me to lie down in green pastures..." A quick glance down at my bibles explanation of this and I learn that sheep literally are too afraid to lay down. They rarely do unless their shepherd is near them because then they feel safe. "He leads me beside still waters." Not only does Christ provide the peace that it takes to lie down, but He is giving me a sound machine! The gentle hush of still waters, the calm in His tender voice whispering "I've got you my beautiful child, now rest here a while."
I paused and looked up from the kitchen table where I was reading and I saw my very own still waters out my back door. Our pond. The prayed for home that we desired for 6 years. The yard and breeze that would soon be the adventure playground for 2 precious boys the moment their eyes opened this morning. I took my coffee out to the back patio to get closer to this gift and kept reading.
"You prepare a table before me, in the presence of my enemies." Boom. This verse sat right below the rest promised to me in verses 1-2. My enemies? That was it. The enemy of my heart had sat down at my table and I hadn't even realized it.
Shame sat down and reminded me of the ugly within my heart just the day before. "You are so hypocritical to sit here with your Bible and then feel this way or that way just yesterday."
Anxiety had taken a seat. "Will I ever have what it takes? I'm not good at being a working mom. Yet so many others do so much more than me. I need to serve more at church. Heck, I need to consistently go to church. Have I even responded to that email? What am I making for dinner? Tacos should do...again though? Why am I just sitting here reading when I should be making my grocery list. When will I even get to the store? I really don't want to take both boys with me. Other moms do it all the time. I should be so grateful but I'm anxious. And I feel anxious and shameful for feeling this way." And so on.
Bitterness sat down right across from me. "My husband can sleep, poop, and work out without ever having to be interrupted." He's an above and beyond dad and husband I will add, but, that's how the enemy works. He twists the truth of what is to make us see what isn't.
Jesus has prepared a table for me. He was inviting me to sit with Him. He wanted me to look across the table and see Him. But I had invited the enemy to sit with us. Blurring my vision and ability to hear Gods sweet tender voice.
Notice the verse doesn't say that God would prepare a table for us away from our enemies. No, it says a table in the presence of them! Enemies can be people or things that turn our eyes and heart away from the peace that our soul is rejuvenated by. The rest that only comes from feasting at the table of Christ.
I am rejuvenated. I see gifts in front of me in the form of dirty dishes used by little and big hands that I love. I see laundry worn by the 2 boys and husband that I adore more than anything or anyone in the universe. I see God. I see His rest that restores me because I feel safe enough to take it.
Will you do an inventory of your heart? Who or what is sitting at the table that God prepared for you?
Love always,
Jessica
