"What Is Love? Baby Don't Hurt Me"

No, I don't know why you're not fair I give you my love, but you don't care So what is right and what is wrong? Gimme a sign

What is love? Oh baby, don't hurt me Don't hurt me No more

Name that song! And if your mind instantly went to the 1998 movie A Night At The Roxbury, then please know, we are best friends.

This question doesn't arise until later in our childhood years. When boys begin to look more handsome than just some kid to beat in a gym class dodgeball game. In our younger years, we don't wonder what love is, because we simply, hopefully, experience it. It's a mothers hug and its your dads undivided attention after work. It's in the stories listened to by your grandparents and the way your parents rarely miss a game. You know love just by knowing your people.

As a child, you don't have to be a certain way or do a certain thing to receive this love. It just comes.

After a hard day with 30+ one-year-old tantrums, and moments of tears in the shower, Judah doesn't have to wonder if I love him. I hold him, I rock him, I tell him so, and we laugh. We always laugh before the day ends, in a sense, erasing all of the hard the day has brought.

With God, as much as I want to please Him, I daily fail Him. But His love is steadfast, pure, and true. His love isn't dependent on me because He simply is love. And, His love is continually poured out in cups full of grace for me.

But, then there's marriage. This is different huh? Just the mention of it and you know. Marriage isn't this outpouring on one side while the other side pokes holes in the newly mended fabric. It can't be. Marriage is a mutually submissive commitment to the beautiful as well as the hard. It is sacrificial and selfless.

In honor of the things I am most thankful for in this life, my marriage tops the chart. November 30th will mark 8 years of marriage for Josh and I. I love him more today than I ever have. But, that love didn't grow by chance. We have a lot to work on, but have also come a long way, by the grace of Jesus. So with a thankful heart for the love created by and provided by God, lets look at what love in marriage truly is.

Love is Submissive

I turn my socks right side in before throwing them in the hamper. I put the toothpaste cap back on. And, the toilet paper roll faces out. Why? Because I freaking love my husband! No, but really. It's the little things for him.

For a wife, submitting to your husband is simply, not resisting his will. It is noticing his wants and needs and meeting them out of love and compassion for the man God made him to be.

Submission is the ultimate strength in character. It doesn't mean we don't disagree with our husbands or express our own will and opinions. It simply means hearing him. Allowing him to lead and be the man God has called him to be.

Often, the women's rights movement gets this totally wrong. They express the rights of women as being a voice that should be louder and more powerful than a mans. But, biblically, we should be so intertwined with our husbands that our wills align with each others because we are both seeking the will of God. When you seek the will of God with your husband, God will ultimately honor that! As women, we don't lose our voice when we submit. We actually become louder and a more powerful unit with our spouse.

Let's be real though, this does not mean Josh and I always agree. Example number one, I moved to Nashville kicking and screaming. Quite literally at times. However, as we both prayed over God's will for our lives, God gave me a peace about letting Josh lead me. I didn't have to have all the answers, feel excited, or even be relieved of the deep sadness I felt. I just needed to feel His peace.

Love is Committed

We are so committed to the weekly calendar list of activities. We commit to mom groups, workouts, work and friends. We commit and we overcommit until we are totally spent and tired and weary.

Can I ask you an honest question? When was the last time you truly committed yourself to your husband? When you said, this evening, my mind, my heart, and my body will be totally his. When he walks through the door this evening, I will assess his needs and I will aim to meet them. If his shoulders are tight, I will massage them. If it has been a while since you did the naked dance, well, you know. I know you're tired mamma but can you brush your teeth and comb your hair (coming from the messy bun for days queen herself...do I even own a brush?)? Can you spritz a little perfume on and light a candle? The kids are still awake, I know. But, foreplay can begin in a very PG mode.

What about your time? Can you change or give up something to recommit yourself to your husband? What is pulling you away and what is causing your mind to wander? This weekend a pastor shared a startling statistic. "1 of 7 divorced people blamed social media as playing a major role in distracting them from their spouse." It happened over time. A rekindling of an old fling and the lies of the enemy waging war against your mind. Let us be bold and brave enough to cancel the things pulling our attention, our eyes, and our hearts from our spouse.

Commitment in the scriptures is two fold. It is a change in the mind primarily, and then in behavior, or action. So, what mental changes do you need to make in order for your heart to recommit to the one God has called you to love deeper and stronger than any other earthly love.

Christian marriages fail as often, if not more often, than non christian ones. Please friend, hear that and put your armor on with me. Stand with me for your marriage and mine. Pray fiercely for commitment that is powered by God and more than just an abiding contractual relationship.

Love is Life-giving

When you mutually submit and willingly commit to your spouse out of love, the world will tell you that you will be depleted. Too much giving away of yourself will leave you desperate for refilling. Hungry, lonely, and needing more. But, God's call to marriage is so different.

When you give of yourself to your spouse you will actually receive life in return. When you live a life of love poured out, you will ignite the fire in your spouse to live the same way. You won't be waiting for his love to refuel you, you'll already be filled by the Giver and Creator of love Himself! So, anything extra from your spouse will be a bonus.

"We love because He first loved us." We don't pour from an empty cup. We pour from a cistern that never runs dry, constantly refilled by the love and grace of God. We pour out and our water doesn't sit their stagnant, stinky and old. We pour out and receive new, life-giving, pure, holy water. We love because we receive love. Love Himself chases us, pursues us, relentlessly woos our hearts back to His, and we are filled. Filled to overflowing so that we can love all out.

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Dear Heavenly Father, God we love You. We love love. We love that You created love. We thank You for the steadfast love You give us as Your children. We thank You for the love we share, desire to share one day, or used to share with our husbands who have passed. God You are so beautiful to have created marriage. We know it is a broken and fractured picture of Your perfect love for us. God would You help us in our frailty to love submissively, committed to the beautiful as well as the hard, selflessly and humbly. Lord, as we love, will You refill us with Your endless love and grace. You are mighty and we praise You God. Give us marriages that are forcefully united for Your Kingdom. Amen.

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GIVE AWAY TIME!!!!

Share this post on your social media account and tag me for a chance to win a gift card for a date night with your husband! If you aren't married, you are not excluded! Share and tag your married friends for a gift card for a girls night out! Winner will be chosen by Judah sometime on Sunday!

Thankful for your hearts and your time.

Love, Jessica