Teething has really taken a toll on us this week. Our happy go lucky, fast, and dare devilish little one year old has been miserable, weak, refusing food and crying most of the days. 12-month molars have taken me into a new realm of mommy hood that I personally feel deserves some sort of badge at completion. My right arm has held my sweet boy for most of his awake hours and the bicep pump is a little lopsided. Because he was only content in my arms for hours on end, my husband assisted me by temporarily taking the weight of it all into his arms by holding my arm up as I held Judah. For that moment, it was relief for me, but a new and heavy burden for him that he enjoyed carrying. And, for a moment, we could laugh at the situation.
It’s these harder days that my mind wants to switch to a prideful spirit and I will lean toward the tried and true phrases “No, I got it.” And the “I can do it faster/better” or “It’s just easier if I do it.” As I go from joy of “This is amazing that a mommy’s body is able to do these things (nursing sessions) to a depleted belief of “I do everything and I am spent” my heart sinks and my soul lines up with the circumstances. When my soul sinks down to the level of the hard circumstances I am facing, I am in the perfect spot for the enemy’s attack. He has been patiently waiting and is armed with his lies ready to fire my way. 3...2...1, “No one sees you.” “No one appreciates you.” “This battle will never end.”
These same days, I gravel for words of affirmation from friends, strangers, family members. I yearn for the giggles of my one-year old to seam to say “You are hilarious mom!” “You are the best.” And when I get them, I feel so great, for the moment. But, it doesn’t satisfy me very long.
A new haircut isn’t good unless someone else, says it is. An old outfit suddenly becomes a gem, when compliments are heard. What is the root of this madness?
Insecurity. A burden from the fall, that is way too heavy and complex for us to carry on our own. We need a strong arm to come and help us lift the weight up off of us. Like my husband temporarily taking on the weight of my son in my arms, we need a savior to carry the load of our hard days. The devil prowls around when we are at our weakest, to tell us where we are falling short. But, God is simultaneously available to remind us that he can step into our weaknesses with his strength; if we let him.
The ups and downs of life would be enough to make the steadiest human a raging lunatic if they allowed their happiness to ebb and flow with their circumstances. Something has to steady us. Naturally, I am anything but steady. I am emotional. I am empathetic. I am overjoyed easily and get the case of the giggles frequently. My feelings get hurt and I dwell on the past. I’m all over the place. My mom used to say, “When she’s high, she’s really really high, and when she’s low, she’s really really low.” What can steady a raging soul?
The short answer: keeping your eyes on Jesus. The old hymn says, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace”. When Gods big glory and available grace is where we look, everything else seems to get a little bit smaller.
Jesus is our peace. He is our calm. When we focus our eyes on something unmoving, our balance improves drastically. When we focus our eyes on Jesus, our soul steadies in the wildest storms.
Here are some ways I practice fixing my eyes on the steadier of my soul when life feels anything but steady.
1. Worship. This week I’ve listened to Turn Your Eyes by the Belonging Co. on repeat. Getting a truth filled song in my head, makes a world of difference.
2. Be in community. This week my friend Sarah and her girls came over, knowing Judah was a hot mess express. He cried 80% of the minutes they were visiting, but they stayed. They sat with me in the hard. And her youngest daughter, at 8 months, sensed he needed love and rubbed his hair. Community changes perspective.
3. Let the dishes go girl! When Judah napped, I rested and recharged this week. I focused on exercise, reading, and refueling myself so that I could love him better. Letting the to-do lists go for the moment, is a hard practice, but simplifying your day can mean all the difference.
4. Say “no”. When the week feels overwhelming, I practice making cuts. Sometimes that means going back on commitments if necessary. And, often it means, not making any new ones. I highly recommend the book “Boundaries" if this is something you struggle with.
5. Say “yes” to help. I am currently and constantly struggling to get over myself. I cannot do it all. And no one is asking me to! My sister in law and brother in law were visiting this week. Yep, this week, the one where Judah cried 80% of his wake time hours. And, there were moments where I wanted to (and did) cry. I was mourning sweet moments and memories that we wouldn’t be able to have because I needed to be focused on my hurting son. But, you know what? This week was predetermined by an all knowing good God who knew I would need help this week. My in laws spoke truth to my heart, encouraged me, and even cooked us dinner. They did dishes and built towers for Judah to knock down again and again. Saying you need help, doesn’t just bless you, it blesses others. It rewrites the story for a future in your family and friend groups to be a raw one. One that includes expressions of needing help and receiving it.
So let the storm blow in and the dog hair accumulate for a moment. Fix your eyes on the unmoving, never-changing peace bringer. Take a big breath and breathe out the lies you’ve been holding onto. Now, step into your next thing carrying less of today’s burdens and more of the light of Jesus.
I love you my sweet friends. Thanks for being with me.
Jessica