My goal in the new year is to sit with the characteristics of God and the way he relates to His children. I will provide a screensaver for our phones or computers as a reminder to our hearts on a moment by moment basis of this amazing God and His love for us. Why? When we can see the way God sees us, we can have the courage, grace, and power to be the person He sees.
A God Who Sees Me
He sees the real messed up version of me and He chooses me. This fact ignites the deepest joys in me and has pulled me out of emotional funks time and time again. This is the God I get to call Father, this is the God I get to rest in and trust.
I have this deep desire to be seen or noticed for what I do and accomplish. It's a pride thing and I'm working on it. In my marriage, depending on the day and time of the month, I can clean the house, cook a meal, do something totally extra for my family, and not need a word of praise about it. Then... there are other days. I play it over in my head before my husband gets home. I can't wait to share all that I have done or accomplished! I verbally list them, awaiting the verbal accolades, Or, worse, I wait for him to notice and expect detailed comments with great praise and adulations. I want to be seen!
Don't we all?
Thankfully we have a Father that truly sees us. He is never disappointed in us or shocked by our actions. He chooses to patiently wait and encourages us to come to Him with all of our ugly. He looks us in the eyes and reminds us that He knew we would be who we are, and He still chose us. He sees you, and He wants all of you.
The story of Leah
In Genesis 29, we meet Leah. The first daughter of Laban, and the sister of the beautiful Rachel. Leah isn't described by her outward appearance but by her inward tenderheartedness. Her marriage to Jacob began as a scandal. Jacob had worked 7 years to earn the favor and honor of marrying Laban's daughter Rachel, however, Laban tricked him into marrying Leah instead. We don't read much about Leah's heart and opinion through all of this, but we do know that women in this time, didn't have much say. So, after marrying Leah, Jacob worked another 7 years, to marry Rachel, "whom he loved."
Don't read past that! Leah's husband, you know the one where she has become "one flesh" with. The one she has committed her entire life and heart to, is working hard for 7 years to marry someone else! Talk about needing couples therapy!
So, unloved and unseen, is this daughter, Leah. We know that she strived to earn her husbands favor and love. With each son she bore him, she had a hope that vanished as soon as it came. But, we see glimpses that despite this deep hurt, she found contentment in Christ alone.
With each son's birth, she praised God. Her first son Reuben, was evidence to her that "the Lord sees." The Lord noticed her efforts, He saw her longings, and He met her there with a gift of a son. She named her second son, Simeon, meaning "The Lord hears." Another testament to her faithful God. Finally, her 3rd son, Levi, was given his name as a prayer that the Lord might create a "bond" between her and her husband.
Naming her sons tells the spiritual journey of contentment in the Lord’s provision. Leah, was a real human, with real human emotions and desires. She was a young girl who dreamed of being married, pursued, and seen by her spouse. Jacob did not see, hear, or attach himself to Leah, but the Lord filled the void Jacob created in Leah’s life. Still, we can imagine that the pain remained.
Finding contentment in Christ, does not mean that the hurt of the world is instantly carried away to some far off land. Contentment is Christ is allowing Christ to sit with you in the pain and fill the gaping holes with his steadfast love.
This is evident as she named her fourth son, Judah, meaning "praise". Leah was content to praise the Lord for the blessings in her life, even if her husband was not her own. With the birth of her next two sons, Issachar and Zebulun, Leah acknowledges the gifts the Lord has given her.
Unloved and unwanted, Leah was not only blessed by God with six sons and one daughter. One of those sons was Judah, who we find in the genealogy of the King of Kings, Jesus Christ (Matthew 1). She may not have been Jacob’s choice, but she was chosen by God to play a role in the birth of the Savior of the world.
I struggle to base my contentment on my current circumstances. Am I seen? Am I appreciated? Are my efforts noticed? Often, unfortunately, I use these questions to determine my mood and happiness. Daily I am reminded that this world has nothing for me, it isn't my home, and it will always let me down. But, I don't have to allow it to make me fall down. There is a God who sees me.
Pray with me?
Dear God, thank You for seeing me. For seeing me in my highs and lows and loving me the same. For noticing the intricate details within me that make me me. Thank You that I can rest in Your hands, when the world lets me down again. God I want to find contentment in Your love for me. I am hurting because of (fill int the blank) and You see that. God I ask that You help aid reconciliation and that You open eyes and hearts to Your will. But God, when things don't end the way I desire, Lord let Your love for me be enough. Help me to trust that your ways are higher than mine. I know that I see this world dimly and You see the whole, so help me to trust in Your sovereignty.
Amen.
Love you always dear friends,
Jessica
Beautiful!!! -Katherine Bruins