I lose my awe. Daily. Even on the days I wake, refueled, and joyful, somewhere between acknowledging the way the orange meets pink in the sunrise and changing a 4th poopy diaper, my awe goes awol. Somewhere between enjoying the morning giggles and thanking God for another day that I "get to" I fall into an "I have to" mind set, and my wonderment at the gifts of today vanishes.
I don't have a magic formula to recapture awe and never lose it, and I'm not sure that is even possible this side of heaven. What I do know, is that we can daily choose to be awed by Christ. We can see His gifts or we can ignore his wooing heart. The difference between the two is simply a will to reopen our eyes when the darkness begins to feel overwhelming.
At 18 months, my son has taught me more about recapturing awe than I have learned in my entire life. I've been to the most beautiful peaks in Colorado and Tennessee. I've seen lions in their habitats in Africa. I've woken up to the most unreal sunrises on the mountain tops of Guatemala. And yet, It has been in the simplest of days, in the simplest of places, that my wonder has been renewed.
I watch as Judah is fascinated by climbing to heights taller than he is. He's enamored by the way it feels for a leaf to crumble in his hands. The discovery of a shadow following him and an echo repeating him is enjoyed every time the opportunity presents itself. And I yell too, just to remember the feeling. And it isn't my own voice that echoes but that of God reminding me to feel again, to see again, to be in awe again. It echos back like a cool wash cloth waking me from my slumber. There is so much to discover here, amaze me and make me wonder.
Can I live in a state of awe as I stare down the messes the morning has brought? Can I recapture a joy of beauty even as I recall the ways I've failed? When the list of "I have to's" is swallowed underneath a sea of blocks and cheerios can I choose to believe that mess is a brilliant masterpiece of joys had?
I rush around, barely pausing to breathe it in. I have to get it done and I have to complete it now. But the way the light reflects off the pond as I wash the dishes is shouting for me to see. The scene of my husband chasing my son around the back yard is yearning for me to look up, to notice again. All is able to be wondered. All is able to be breathed in and received or go unnoticed, again.
A few days ago, my heart needed an adventure in nature to renew some wonderment. So, I took Judah to a sweet nature center nearby. We had a full morning of play and climbing and naming things never seen by his little eyes before. It was almost lunch time so I began to lead us back toward the car. He was enamored by a wooden bridge along the way. I think we spent close to 45 minutes studying its details. I looked at my phone and felt that familiar urge to hurry. To get to the end. To get to the next thing. And God whispered to my heart, "hurry is to choose to miss the details." So we stopped to marvel at an orange construction cone and the cracks in the sidewalk. We picked up the acorns and threw them as hard as we could. If I hurry past this, I miss this, and I force him to miss it too. So we knelt down and stuck our fingers into tiny holes created by years of wear and tear on the bridge. We laughed and we crinkled leaves.
And I remember. I have to slow to this awe. I have to pause to breath it in and really see.
At some point in my teens, I lost it. I remember enjoying getting "lost" in the woods with my pap and giggling at the unforeseen adventures. And then I remember not wanting to "get lost" anymore. I don't remember why. And I don't remember this being any sort of red flag beyond simply maturing. But, I think it was then that my awe was exchanged for do.
It was no longer an adventure of unknown awaiting us. It was, "what should we go do today." We went out with a plan instead of the plan finding us. And I think reversing this again, just a bit, may be a step into recapturing the awe we had as children.
This weekend, would you choose to slow down to find an awe moment? Would you recognize the ways you tend to hurry past? Would you consider how you may be able to ignite this in your children as you find your own wonderment again?
Friends this is the last Wednesday of November. The Holiday season is literally here! Don't let it pass you by, the way it always does. Pause for the moments. See the wrinkles in your grandma's laugh lines and capture them. Hold your spouses hand as you pray together. Choose to find the joy in the little things beyond the perfect turkey dinner. Write them down, count them, and keep counting them. The gifts are for you, if you choose to receive them.
Recapture your own awe that God is wooing you to. He loves you and so do I!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Love Jessica
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