Counting Gifts

Life has a way of marking significant moments in indelible ink. When I reflect back on my childhood I can see clearly my mom taking me to our secret hiding spot to have a picnic. I recall her being pregnant and sick with my brother. I remember my dad and I fishing together and the time he brought me back a necklace from a business trip. I can see the igloo my pap made for us during a big snow storm. And, I can taste my grandma's tapioca pudding.

In middle school I know what I was wearing and the joy I had when Stefanie Carson became my best friend at a school dance. I was alone and totally weird, but she liked me for me. She's still my bestie 20 years later and still way cooler than me.

In college, it was the moment, my mom and aunt came to tell me that my pap had cancer. The months leading up to his death, and the heartbreak and loneliness that followed.

Later, the memories that are marked in my heart are the day I surrendered to Christ as my Savior, meeting my husband, marrying him, moving to TN, running at 5am with my dearest friend Clarissa, and giving birth to my son, Judah.

Some memories are big, some are small. Some are heavy with ache and some marked with incredible joy.

It's November, officially the season to be thankful. So, I wanted to share a moment that forever changed the way my heart experiences and practices gratitude.

It was February, 2018. My friend Clarissa and I were driving to FL from TN to run a 1/2 marathon. While we drove, she began reading aloud a book we planned on reading together. She wasn't through the first chapter before I realized the content in this book was about to rock me to my core. One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I think we read through 1/2 the book on the drive (and ate an entire large size bag of m&m's).

Voskamp writes,

"But how? How do we choose to allow the holes to become seeing-through-to-God places? To more-God places?

How do I give up resentment for gratitude, gnawing anger for spilling joy? Self-focus for God-communion.

To fully live - to live full of grace and joy and all that is beauty eternal. It is possible, wildly.

I now see and testify.

So this story - my story.

A dare to an emptier, fuller life."

- Ann Voskamp

She writes about a dare she accepted to write down gifts. All of them, big and small. It was a dare to notice. A call to remember and see the hand of God in the moments of the ordinary days, marking them in a way with indelible ink as to remember more fully the way He showed up. To have eyes open to see the glimmer in the mess of raising six kids and yielding to the hard work of farm life. Her testimony prompted my own. Her dare to be thankful, to experience thanks, became mine. And I haven't looked back.

It started with a journal from my encourager sister friend, Caroline. It had a tree on the cover, and stood deeply rooted in this promise to gratitude. I turned to the first page and wrote my hearts cry and my hearts promise. Being overwhelmed in a season of deep anxiety, I was being called to receive this gift of awareness to His gifts.

I wrote...

"I will not allow anxieties of what could be steal the joy of what is."

"This journal is a vow to be present. A promise to live with eyes opened to the graces, heart awake for the pain, and hands opened to receive Your gifts."

-Jan. 2018

In the days that followed, I started each morning with counting. Reflecting on the mornings treasures like coffee and running. Remembering yesterday's smiles, like a yummy meal with Josh, a sunset, or getting to go for a swim. I kept numbering, counting, and reflecting. And like any good habit, this one released the biggest blessing of my life, the Peace of Christ.

Almost 4 years have passed since the challenge to count these gifts began, and I don't count nearly as often as I'd like to. But today I woke up anxious. Our fridge broke and my husbands car needed some expensive work done. We didn't have childcare for the week and we were all a little exhausted from the schedule's wonkiness. I sat down in my chair. The chair that I meet God in in the mornings, and I noticed the way the light flickered on the pond outside our dining room window. In seeing this reflection, I remembered the invitation to count gifts once again.

So, tired and anxious, I grabbed my journal and began.

1. Judah slept! Actually, he is still sleeping.

2. Josh is so handy. He would be able to once again save us a ton of money by fixing his car himself.

3. Fridge broke = pizza night

4. light reflections on the pond

5. coffee with oat milk pumpkin spice coffee creamer

6. wagon rides

7. cooler temperatures

8. My inlaws coming in a week

9. Judah's laugh

10. Our baby boy, due in March. (Yes, this is my way of sharing the good news with my readers first!)

.....

I kept going. And as I wrote, the ice fell. My heart received these gifts that were abundantly mine. I saw the squirrels chasing each other differently today. I experienced my son's giggle with wider eyes to remember and take notice that indeed this gift was for me. These gifts were here all along, but now I could see them.

In the messes and on the mountaintops there are gifts to be received. We can choose to look down and trudge forward. Just getting by and missing them. Or we can lift our eyes. See the hope in the sleepless nights and the joy in the early mornings. Notice the love shared around the table instead of the pile of dishes in the sink. Feel the warmth of the sun kissing your neck and remember His Son, the greatest gift of all.

Each day we can choose. Will you count gifts with me?

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Happy November my friends. Let's list things we are thankful for together. I will choose a comment by random and send a Starbucks gift card to one of you in the mail!

Steps to enter:

1. Comment below and/or

2. Share this post on your social media account (if you have one).

Your gift of Pumpkin Spice awaits.

Love,

Jessica