Early in my christian walk I chased it. That mountain top feeling. The closeness of God so deep to your core that you could almost feel His breath. Your heart burns with affection for Him and your life feels so in rhythm with His. It's amazing and It's real and unfortunately, it can't stay.
As a newly surrendered believer in Christ at 24, God knew I needed Him moment by moment for my every moments decisions. I was weak and malleable to the world, so He was louder for me. I could hear His way for my life so clearly above the noise. He made it easy for me to follow Him. I remember confessing with joy the fact that this God was not a God of confusion. No way. If you asked Him He would be faithful to answer. And He did. Until He didn't.
As my faith grew, His voice became fainter. His love for me remained the same and His closeness will never change, but He was softer. Not softer in a weak way, but softer in a humble way. His will for my decisions became more of a "freedom to choose" situation instead of a "this is the way" clarity. It was hard, I wanted Him louder, I wanted the burn in my chest to be revived the way it was at first. The truth and the right next step, was and always is there for us, but as we grow, there will be times, it is revealed within a calming peace versus a loud roar.
Now, don't get me wrong. I still have those mountaintop experiences. There are days in my home I can worship (Thanks quarantine) and I swear if I open my eyes, I'd be face to face with my Maker. But most days, I just feel His steady ever presence, holding me, and simultaneously challenging me to fly.
When I first looked into Judah's eyes, I knew I never wanted to blink. I didn't want to stop staring at him. He's 16 months now, and I still cannot get enough of his blue-grey eyes, his joy filled smile, or the way he asks "What's that?" 50,000 times a day. But as he's grown, I notice my heart loving him enough to allow him to fall. I allow him to experience life, scrape his knees, and climb to new heights. I love the look on his face when he accomplishes one of his "projects" that he had been working toward (aka climbing up on something tall and monkeying his way back down). All the while, I am right there. My hand may not be touching him as he climbs, but you better believe my arm is prepped and ready to catch him if he were to fall.
I don't love him any less now that he is in this stage of new independence. If anything, I love that boy more and more with every passing day. But, even at 16 months, Jesus is preparing my mommy heart to let him go. To allow him to fly. To encourage him to trust his own balance and experience his own version of this beautiful life. If I hold him too tight, he will only experience my version of it, and God has a unique and beautiful plan for Judah, that only he can walk in.
So, as you grow in your faith, be reminded of your Daddy's loving arm ready and able to catch you if and when you should fall. Embrace those mountaintop, chill oozing Jesus moments but, simultaneously enjoy the moments He is calling you to fly. Trust His voice within you reminding you of the path toward life, and walk in peace as you choose which route to take.
Do you remember a time in your life when you chose to accept Christ as your personal Lord and Savior? If not, I would love to chat with you. Please send me an email or message on the homepage!
If you have accepted Christ as your Savior, do you remember a recent mountaintop experience?
How do you respond when you feel like God is far from you? Would you consider that He may be right there cheering you on, ready to catch you, but wanting you to fly?
Lets Pray
Dear Father God I love Your closeness. There is nothing like the feeling I get in Your presence. Your love for me truly is sweeter than honey and I adore You. When I feel far from You or unseen by You, would You remind my heart that You are ever-present? Would You calm my spirit and give me Your wisdom to make decisions when I don't hear Your voice as loud. God I know You are within me and I trust that You are for me. God give me a heart that is on fire for You. Increase my passion and boldness to proclaim Your mighty name louder than the lies of the world. In all of this, I come humbly as Your daughter and confess my weakness to You. Give me Your strength Lord. Amen.
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